Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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