The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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