Moan for me like Helen Keller
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
