I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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