Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
