I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
