3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize