That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
