so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
