The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
