I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
