i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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