He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
