Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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