so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
