i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.