Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me