I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...