The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
