my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much