I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.