You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.