the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
