I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin