Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping