This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course