I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
