We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
