Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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