oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
