I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
