Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
