my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
