brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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