you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
