True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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