I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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