Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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