I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
