I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
too bad you live with your parents still
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
