You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
