Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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