he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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