dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
