I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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