Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
