apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
