Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
