i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We're too hungover to prance.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
