For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
