just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
