Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
