I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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