It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
