Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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