I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
