On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
