I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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