It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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