I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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