i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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