I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
