We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
