Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
