Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
