Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
4 words: hood of his car
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
