; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
