if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
