So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
