$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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