I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize