I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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