Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?