So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...