there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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