awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
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I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.