What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
