When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.