I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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