dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Drake has all the answers
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
