i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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