can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
