at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
