I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
