We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
