My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
