I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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