i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
