I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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