Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
