I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
