i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
