Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
