How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
