Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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