i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
