it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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