The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
