Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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