If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
