Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
