It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
