You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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